Being the wife of a college student gives me lots of time for my own thoughts (especially on homework nights) and lots of time with the boys. Sometimes I'm not sure it is a good thing that I'm left to my own thoughts 1) because I can be terribly irresponsible and lazy with all the free time to think and 2) I start to over analyze the “friendships” I have with people on..say, Facebook. I could be doing many different things like cleaning up the kitchen, tiding the house, or doing something more constructive than surfing the web.
Tonight I ran across a very interesting blog. The writer of the blog made me feel very inspired to write. Honestly write and not be afraid about what I write and if it is acceptable to people I know. That is what holds me back from saying or doing things, such as writing, because I worry that I might make a mistake and be judged accordingly.
Having my husband in school sometimes makes me feel like I am the primary parent to our children. It can be a bit overwhelming. The teeth need to be brushed, diapers changed, house cleaned and on and on it goes. Especially the diapers part. Diapers are a never ending cycle. It can also be inconvenient. The every day duties keep me from doing things that I want to do, such as write, practice violin/voice, study for my doula certification, study for my childbirth education, or go for a run. After we decided to have kids that is when I forfeited my free time. I am now subject to the whim of a 1 month old and (almost) two year old.
I am OK with it.
I know that it is important to feel all sorts of different feelings - happiness, sadness, anger, hate, jealously, regret, joy, frustration. We are here on earth to experience these things and it is OK. It is OK to feel anger towards someone. We just have to decide how we will act on that anger. Will we react? Or over react?
I am so grateful I can be here experiencing life with my wonderful Dustin, and gorgeous boys-Luke and Asher. As difficult as life can seem at any one moment, we really do need to keep a long term perspective. Now is very important, but “is what I'm doing now going to help me to be where I want to be tomorrow? What could I do better?”
